October 27, 2010

Ordinarily, I despise the idea of cooking.

For one thing, I work in an environment where I am on my feet all day, serving a luxury item to mostly ungrateful people.  The last thing I want to do when I get home is continue to stand on my feet in production of something, even if it is for myself or someone I love.

Secondly, I have an aversion to being in the kitchen.  My mom is the best cook I know.  Until I was twelve years old, she made dinner nightly and we ate as a family around the table.  Now you would think, what is your problem then?  Shouldn’t you be comfortable in the kitchen being raised like that?  The answer is a resounding no.

I could never cook as well as my mother.  It comes so naturally to her and she does it so well that it is downright intimidating.  But the main problem is, she never let me help other than the uninspiring jobs like peeling potatoes or stirring the pot.  Other than that, I had better stay out of her way.  Not unlike myself, my mom has very little patience.

My whole adult life I have felt like I must have a missing ingredient myself.  Does the fact that I can’t cook make me an undesirable candidate?  No one wants to admit it in this day and age, but the fact remains that men still think women should be able cooks.  Thankfully, I am in a relationship where my boyfriend likes to cook.  Well, I’m not really sure how much he actually likes it, but he does it.

It is this lack of pressure  that has made me reconsider my stand on cooking.  I am still terrified of it, but I know that I will not be rejected as a person if I burn something or make the same five things over and over.

Cooking is a way of taking care of yourself and the people you love.  The problem with me is that I have never valued myself enough, but that is changing.

So, last winter I found this cookbook.  “Quick Cook.”  What doesn’t sound amazing about that?  I used it a few times when I first bought it because I was “working on things” (whatever that means) with my ex and honestly thought overcoming my aversion to cooking would make me more desirable.  It sounds silly, but when you want to hold on to something you’ve had for six years no matter how dysfunctional it is, you’ll think of anything.  For obvious reasons, neither endeavor lasted.

I am bringing out “Quick Cook” again.  This time, for the right reasons.  I want to overcome my fear of failure and learn how to take care of myself.


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